Your therapist probably recommended Stop Walking on Eggshells - many do - this 1996 self-help guide for the family members of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is well known among therapists. A lot has been transpired since the book was published. A ten year longitudinal studies has demonstrated the effectiveness of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, the American Psychiatric Association has begun the process of better defining / characterizing the disorder, several books have been written on how to constructively communicate with and understand a person with this disorder.
Randi Kreger captures many of these findings in her 2008 publication, The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. Many therapists are not aware of Ms. Kreger's newer book. BPDFamily recommends the 2008 publication - it is a significant advancement over her first work.
The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells
Like the first book, this one is also written for family members. In section two, Ms Kreger focuses on five tools to make life more manageable for family members and more constructive for the person affected with BPD.
Take Good Care of Yourself (Tool 1) In Chapter 7, Kreger discusses important concepts such as “don't take things personally”, “get in touch with your true feelings”, “accept what is, not what you hope to be”, and“attend to your own wellbeing and otherwise take your self". She wisely points out that before attempting anything with another person, we need to look at ourselves.
Uncover What Keeps You Feeling Stuck (Tool 2) In Chapter 8, Kreger discusses things about us that make it difficult for us to navigate these relationships and how to deal with them - things such as fear, obligation, guilt, shame, unhealthy bonding (low self-esteem, depression, codependency, etc.). She explains, in short, though we often get caught up in these relationships and are part of the dysfunction.
Communicate to Be Heard (Tool 3) In Chapter 9, Kreger explores the very important aspects of how to effectively communicate to very sensitive person. People with Borderline Personality Disorder often interpret common communications and actions as slights and defamation. Kreger uotlines communication tools that would benefit any relationship - but are absolutely essential in a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder.
Set Limits with Love (Tool 4) In Chapter 10, Kreger explores the very important aspects of how to effectively set "limits" in a relationship with to very person.that has bad boundaries People with Borderline Personality Disorder are well known for having unhealthy boundaries and expectations of others. In this chapter Kreger outlines tools that would benefit any relationship - but are absolutely essential in a BPD relationship.
Reinforce the Right Behavior (Tool 5) In Chapter 11, Kreger Explains is reinforcing the right behavior, and equally important, not rewarding bad behavior (which we often do). She also explains “extinction burst”s are and how to respond to them.
This book also answers common questions that family members often have in clear simple language such as the symptoms and treatment of BPD, why BPD is so often misdiagnosed; how symptoms can differ by age and gender; and how addiction and other disorders complicate BPD.
Critical Review
The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder does a good job of explaining the basics of how to deal with a BPD loved one. This book is an excellent first read for someone who is just learning about the disorder. The reader is cautioned, however, that the many of the psychology concepts are far from simple. The book attempts to translate these into plan language -but at times falls short
Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD in her review of this book noted a few drawbacks. First, the structure of some of the chapters was a bit confusing; Ms. Kreger often interjects with side notes, and this can detract from the flow of the chapter. Salters-Pedneault also found that Ms. Kreger occasionally uses language that she felt to be a bit too conclusive given the state of the research literature; there is still much we need to learn about BPD, and it would be helpful if the language she used better reflected the relative infancy of our understanding.
Background Randi Kreger is a professional writer and blogger. She coauthored Stop Walking on Eggshells, on of the first self-help books in this field in 1998 with Paul T. Mason - a program manager of Child/Adolescent Services and a psychotherapist with Psychiatric Services for St. Luke's Hospital in Racine, Wisconsin.
To write The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells, Ms. Kreger read broadly on the subject, interviewed many of the preeminent experts in the field (including Drs. Robert Friedel, Blaise Aguirre, Jim Breiling, Perry Hoffman and John Gunderson), and drew from her own experiences as moderator of the Welcome to Oz forum, an online community of BPD family members. She has done a remarkable job of integrating a very broad and diverse set of information into one complete work.
The task of writing this book was particularly difficult given that BPD, itself, has been studied extensively, but very little research has been done on the impact of BPD on the family (although recently, more researchers have begun to focus on this issue). Unfortunately, this means that Ms. Kreger was not able to draw from an extensive peer-reviewed scientific literature. Hopefully, though, her work will provide the impetus for more systematic study of the issues she addresses.
We welcome you comments below on either book!
Take Good Care of Yourself (Tool 1) In Chapter 7, Kreger discusses important concepts such as “don't take things personally”, “get in touch with your true feelings”, “accept what is, not what you hope to be”, and“attend to your own wellbeing and otherwise take your self". She wisely points out that before attempting anything with another person, we need to look at ourselves. Uncover What Keeps You Feeling Stuck (Tool 2) In Chapter 8, Kreger discusses things about us that make it difficult for us to navigate these relationships and how to deal with them - things such as fear, obligation, guilt, shame, unhealthy bonding (low self-esteem, depression, codependency, etc.). She explains, in short, though we often get caught up in these relationships and are part of the dysfunction.
Communicate to Be Heard (Tool 3) In Chapter 9, Kreger explores the very important aspects of how to effectively communicate to very sensitive person. People with Borderline Personality Disorder often interpret common communications and actions as slights and defamation. Kreger uotlines communication tools that would benefit any relationship - but are absolutely essential in a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder.
Set Limits with Love (Tool 4) In Chapter 10, Kreger explores the very important aspects of how to effectively set "limits" in a relationship with to very person.that has bad boundaries People with Borderline Personality Disorder are well known for having unhealthy boundaries and expectations of others. In this chapter Kreger outlines tools that would benefit any relationship - but are absolutely essential in a BPD relationship.
Reinforce the Right Behavior (Tool 5) In Chapter 11, Kreger Explains is reinforcing the right behavior, and equally important, not rewarding bad behavior (which we often do). She also explains “extinction burst”s are and how to respond to them.
This book also answers common questions that family members often have in clear simple language such as the symptoms and treatment of BPD, why BPD is so often misdiagnosed; how symptoms can differ by age and gender; and how addiction and other disorders complicate BPD.
Critical Review
The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder does a good job of explaining the basics of how to deal with a BPD loved one. This book is an excellent first read for someone who is just learning about the disorder. The reader is cautioned, however, that the many of the psychology concepts are far from simple. The book attempts to translate these into plan language -but at times falls short
Kristalyn Salters-Pedneault, PhD in her review of this book noted a few drawbacks. First, the structure of some of the chapters was a bit confusing; Ms. Kreger often interjects with side notes, and this can detract from the flow of the chapter. Salters-Pedneault also found that Ms. Kreger occasionally uses language that she felt to be a bit too conclusive given the state of the research literature; there is still much we need to learn about BPD, and it would be helpful if the language she used better reflected the relative infancy of our understanding.
Background Randi Kreger is a professional writer and blogger. She coauthored Stop Walking on Eggshells, on of the first self-help books in this field in 1998 with Paul T. Mason - a program manager of Child/Adolescent Services and a psychotherapist with Psychiatric Services for St. Luke's Hospital in Racine, Wisconsin.
To write The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells, Ms. Kreger read broadly on the subject, interviewed many of the preeminent experts in the field (including Drs. Robert Friedel, Blaise Aguirre, Jim Breiling, Perry Hoffman and John Gunderson), and drew from her own experiences as moderator of the Welcome to Oz forum, an online community of BPD family members. She has done a remarkable job of integrating a very broad and diverse set of information into one complete work.
The task of writing this book was particularly difficult given that BPD, itself, has been studied extensively, but very little research has been done on the impact of BPD on the family (although recently, more researchers have begun to focus on this issue). Unfortunately, this means that Ms. Kreger was not able to draw from an extensive peer-reviewed scientific literature. Hopefully, though, her work will provide the impetus for more systematic study of the issues she addresses.
We welcome you comments below on either book!
Author: Skip
BPDFamily.com provides support, education, tools, and perspective to individuals with a loved one affected by Borderline Personality Disorder. BPFamily is a non-profit, co-op of over 60,000 volunteer members and alumni formed in 1998. We welcome you to join our free 24 hour on-line support community with its over 1 million postings and grow with us as we learn to live better lives in the shadow of this disorder. For more information or to register, please cleck here. www.bpdfamily.com
3 comments:
"Many books have been written about BPD since 1996 and the publication of Stop Walking on Eggshells and frankly, there are better books out there for explaining the disorder."
Can I please have some titles? Thanks!
hi anonymous - i just had a good look at amazon.com and not only are there some great looking books (and links to suggested others) most of them have also been reviewed by readers - very helpful! i just chucked in the words 'borderline', 'borderline personality disorder', etc. good luck :)
I found this book useful, and I am pretty tough (I frown on a lot of self-help books - too general): "The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide" by Alexander L. Chapman, Ph.D. and Fim L. Gratz, Ph.D. ...The book goes through the usual, but fairly current (2007) rundown of what the disorder is in a balanced way. That is, the presentation is not stereotypical. A little biology is discussed (easy to read). And the current treatments (DBT, talk therapy, Mentalization)as well as medications often used. A bit on dealing with suicial thoughts was helpful. I found the book easy to read and thorough, while remaining popular enough to be read by a layman. peace - Sylvester
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